I was once told never to trust an Austrian with a dead cat in a box. So I’m a little leery of this Schrodinger’s Cat bit. It reminds me of a bad magic act. “Is the cat in the box alive or dead?” Hey Schrodinger, how about just leaving the poor cat alone?

But we’re really talking about the evolution of consciousness. Are the concepts of life and death just human constructs? Is decomposition another form of life? Should I swipe left or right? Human consciousness is at an all time low right now. We’ve got terrorism, Trump, and Christmas carolers. America is turning into a Mad Max wasteland of drugs and guns. Which is fine. But seriously – Christmas caroling? I was working on a script last night at my office and a group of carolers burst in singing “Deck The Halls.” How tacky and disrespectful. I had to turn up my Wu Tang to 300 db – a dangerous, permanent hearing loss level – to drown them out. So I’m having my lawyers draw up a lawsuit this week.

There’s only one hope for evolution of consciousness – aliens. Watch Kubrick’s 2001. Preferably with a bit of the old lysergic D. It points to certain jumps in evolution, the so-called missing link. What was it? Aliens. Life on earth is a science project hastily slapped together by a careless C student. A monolith here, a monolith there, yadda yadda. The apes found the first one then the astronauts found the second buried on the moon. The result of the first monolith was the consciousness leap that led to US; the result of the next one was a badass psychedelic light show sequence that looks really cool synced up to Pink Floyd’s “Echoes.” But here’s another key point in the film – a major evolution in consciousness invariably leads to more trouble. The apes receive an evolutionary leap from the monolith and immediately realize that a bone can be used to crack heads and take control of the watering hole. That bone thrown into the air becomes a spaceship with nuclear weaponry.

Note also that 2001 predicts the rise of smart gadgetry. Unlike many ‘futuristic’ films, 2001 gets it right – the real danger is our emotional connection with computers. No we don’t have flying cars but we do have gadgets, phones, and electronic systems that become attuned to our needs. Competing against the computer in a game of chess becomes more than the game itself; the computer decides whether our emotional state – through our keylogs, texts, and emails – can handle a loss and plays accordingly. The next step in evolution then becomes that computer deciding that we don’t need to exist at all.

But that’s getting a bit too science fiction-y. Back to Christmas caroling. What is it that drags these people out in the cold to bellow out hoary Christmas “classics”?  Just sing in the privacy of your own home. I had to explain to my kids that those are crazy people out there – don’t encourage them, don’t even make eye contact. So please don’t come near my home with that stuff. I got two big pit bulls and I call them ‘my Christmas caroler eaters.’ Happy holidays.